To whom it may concern,
Please accept this, my resignation, from the position of mother-of-three. I know that you were hoping I would apply for tenure but after much consideration I have realised that I am unsuited for the role. It would be remiss of me to continue.
Let me start by saying, in case there is any confusion, that according to the role description I have been given, there are three young children in my care. Are we clear on that point? Three little life forms all relying on me to keep them safe, fed, healthy and stimulated. Three little people who look to me for guidance, support, love. Three VERY DIFFERENT personalities who all NEED me, ALL THE TIME.
The fact is that I should never have taken on the role in the first place. I will admit to having been quite the advocate for having a child. A CHILD. Single. I was actually rather good at the making and baking part.
What I failed to do, this is entirely my fault, was read the safety instructions and follow the precautions which were clearly indicated, though in rather fine print I must say, at the back of the document.
The fact that I failed in my duty of care a third time should really be grounds for instant dismissal. I am obviously completely incompetent.
That not withstanding, I would like to list a number of other reasons why I am unsuitable for this job in the hope that you will accept, with haste, this request for clemency.
I like to be organised.
I like to be in control.
I like to be punctual.
I like clean.
I am rational.
I like to finish something I start, be it a task, cup of coffee or even a thought.
I like sleep. (Seriously, I really, really like sleep)
Given the above, I hope you see why I cannot possibly continue in this role. There is really very little job satisfaction!
If you are still not convinced, please let me make one final point. I wanted to do this job well. I really wanted to nail it. With every fiber of my being I wanted to be the best mother I could possibly be. But I just don’t have the capacity or the resources to give ALL THREE CHILDREN the time, support, sensitivity and understanding they need.
The only thing I have enough of is love.
The only thing I seem to be good at is shouting.
Thank you for your time. I wait anxiously for your response.
Regards and apologies
12 thoughts on “I think this might be for the best…”
Hilarious. And yet oh so true. Mine are older and i still feel the same. Lol. Great stuff!
Thanks. So far no body has accepted my resignation but I am still hopeful. Perhaps I should post an ad for a replacement!
You sound like the perfect mother to me. Ask around, I’m not kidding. You’ll find 99% of mothers with young children feel exactly the same way. The other 1%? They’re freaks. How do I know all this? I’m an empty nester. It took a long time to get here but, man, does it ever feel great!
Aaah Marie. An empty nest. That does sound like fun. Betcha when I get there I will miss ’em though!
You’re shit out of luck.
No resignations will be accepted.
Read the fine print again. It specifically says you need to give a notice period … of 18 years!!!
Damn it. I think you might be right. Though I am going to check with a lawyer just in case.
Nice try lady! But no cigar! xxx
Not even a small cigarillo?
Not even a fairy one!
Mine are 32 and 28 now. Was tough but joyful too….especially when they left home!!!! Now the eldest is back at weekends!!!!argh!!!