Self Imposed Torture

For the last three days I have not eaten a thing. I have been achy and sweating, isolated and exhausted. If everything goes to plan I am going to feel like this until the end of the week. Then like a butterfly from a krysaliss, I shall emerge, purged, cleansed and feeling like a new woman.

The view ain’t bad.

I am at Samui Detox, in Thailand, on fasting and detoxification program. I booked myself in, it is a rare and wonderful privilege to be here while my wonderful partner, irreplaceable nanny and generous mother take care of the children. But for now I am hungry grumpy, achy and wishing like hell that I could go home.


What makes me even more insane is that I knew what I was in for. This is not my first time down this road. I have made time for a detox once a year, give or take, for the last 4 years. As I whined to G last night on Skype about how rotten I was feeling he reminded me that I say that EVERY time I come here and yet I keep coming back for more.



The detox program at Samui Detox includes a lot of things (food not being one of them): daily supplements and juice, deep tissue massage, steaming, daily exercise and yoga, meditation, workshops on healthy eating, parasites, the importance of the liver…. and yep… daily colonics. For this reason we refer to my annual retreat as ‘arse camp’.


You don’t want to know what goes on in this Bungalow

Arse camp has slowly but surely changed everything about my approach to life, or at least health. Not the least reason being the inspirational and passionate way that the Centres Director, Kim, guides you through the program and helps you to understand the value of taking care of your body, giving it the right fuel and how to take those concepts into daily life. I will admit she does have some crazy ideas. Apparently alcohol is bad for your liver and red meat, butter, cheese, cadbury dairy milk chocolate are best avoided.


Nonetheless, over time, I have made lasting changes to my lifestyle and to the lifestyle of my family that have tangible measurable benifts. Sometimes, when I go to a restaurant I choose the salad over the steak and don’t order french fries.


I am loving my stay here. I am incredibly grateful, though a little hungry. I look forward to going home at the end of it. Home to my children and my man and back to all the crazy stress that is life but with a new sense of vitality, priority and purpose.

Thanks for reading. Enjoy your next meal you bastards.


9 thoughts on “Self Imposed Torture

  1. You are way more disciplined than I am….I don’t know if I could make it. Whew, Go Girl! (Actually, the deep tissue massage sounds fantastic.)

    • The massage is fantastic. The hot herbal steam is too. Your skin feels incredible after a few days of that. If I was more disciplined in my daily life I mightn’t need and annual reminder about how to take care of myself!! Everything in moderation… even excess!

  2. Is there something wrong with you? No, there MUST be something wrong with you! Why would you put yourself through that? What that place needs to make it perfect is an all you can eat seafood buffet table! 🙂

    • I started running a couple of weeks ago. Just a 5km (treadmill at this stage I’m afraid) addition to my usual weekly routine and I am thinking I should ask you the same questions. I have yet to find your zen, Master.
      ….and christ yes, a seafood buffet and a nice cold beer would go down a treat right now!

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